Constructive criticism: Transformers 2

Before I go into Transformers 2 I want to talk about the X-Men and Spider-man movie that came out in the early 2000`s.

Spider-man and X-Men are in my opinion a good start. Not just to the whole "let`s try to make a serious comicbook superhero movie and not turn it into a big, campy, live-action saturday morning cartoon joke" genre, but to their own, respective movie franchises as well. 

Yes, those were good, serious comicbook movies but they didnt start a big, new wave of good comicbook superhero movies, they were more of a prologue.

As I was saying: X-men and Spider-man were a good start for their movie franchises. They weren`t perfect. The filmmakers were a little new to the universe and how to translate it into something more cinematic, but it worked well enough. In the sequels things worked a little better. The directors, writers and actors had gotten more familiar with the characters, the world they lived in and things seemed to work smoother. Not just in how close it was to the material they were adapting but in general. Then they screwed it up in the third movie.

This is kinda how I feel about the first Transformers movie. The first one was a good start. It made sense how we in the beginning spent more time with the humans and didn`t get to the Autobots until a little later, and I liked most of the humor.

Though I think it would have been better without the scene where Bumblebee urinates on Agent Simmons. Just saying.
And in hindsight they could have dialed down the male gazing too.

But unlike Spider-man and X-men, Transformers decided not to take what it had learned from it`s first experience and see if it could do better. No, instead Michael Bay and friends said: "Why wait for the third movie? Let`s screw it up now!" And so they did, and people still paid money to see it, myself included. Yes, I am ashamed.

And yes, I know, the script was written during the writer`s strike and it`s possible that Michael Bay was involved in writing it but, come on! Even if you haven`t read books on script writing you can still see that the dumb decisions that they made were really dumb decisions!

Though in defense of Michael Bay, from what I`ve heard, he wanted to do a personal pet project after Tranformers, but was contractually obligated to do a sequel if it did well enough at the box office. Maybe he knew it was bad and screwed it up on purpose so he wouldn`t have to do more Transformers? That`s just wild speculations from me though.

Let us, in my very subjective editorial, see where it went wrong and how it could have been fixed.

And when Sam goes away Bumblebee could play "All by myself" on his radio.

Giving Bumblebee such exaggerated, emotional reactions just makes me feel that Bay only thinks of the Transformers as silly, one dimensional, cartoon characters. Disney characters (in good Disney movies at least), The Transformers in the cartoon and the ponies in My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic have a little bit more depth than Bay`s Transformers. 

I can believe that such a thing could happen in the Men In Black universe where they can erase memories and stuff, but in this movie? Instead: the army`s official story to the public could be: "Yes, this battle did happen but now all the giant robots (both the good and the evil ones) have disappeared. We don`t know where yet, but we`re working on it."

Sigh... these guys. One stupid, racist caricature wasn`t enough, there had to be TWO. They already had Bumblebee with them on their journey so they only needed one of these guys, it would be less work for the animators and should also make it cheaper. Instead of being a stupid idiot he (since there is only one of them now in this hypothetical example) could be a competent warrior and the comedy could come from that he has gotten a few expressions and a few facts about earth wrong. For instance: when they get to the pyramids he could say: "So this is where Lenin is buried" (Lenin was mummified after his death after all). And here`s a funny exchange of words they could have in one scene:

Skids/Mudflap: Let`s kick some Donkey!

Sam or Mikaela: I think you mean "Ass".

It went on a bit too long. It could have been shorter and some of that time could have been given to Prime`s battle with the fallen, which was a little too short.

There are a bunch of things that I`d like to collect in one common category.

Leo running out from the bathroom with his pants down: Instead he could run out (with his pants on) and shout:"I need your help! My friend just fainted in the bathroom!" (Yes, I know, the museum was closed so he`d very likely still get arrested, but still.)

Jetfire: I`m OK with him being old, but does he have to be a caricature? And I`d lose the parachute fart joke.